NICK: Uncle Roger. How’s it going?ROGER: What are you doing here, Nick?NICK: What? Oh, I wanted to see where you work.ROGER: Yes, no--What are you doing here?NICK: What? Oh, oh you mean here in um New York, here.ROGER: Yes.NICK: Oh, uh, well I had an interview at Columbia, so Mom said I should look you up.ROGER: Ahh. Sit down.NICK: Ok.ROGER: That’s what all the phone calls were about.NICK: Phone calls?ROGER: Yeah, your mom’s been calling me.NICK: Well did you speak to her?ROGER: We’re playing phone tag.NICK: Yeah, well she uh she said you could show me what you do here.ROGER: She did, huh. Well, there’s not a whole lot to show you Nick.NICK: Really? Um, like, what do you, what do you do all day?ROGER: What do I do all day, what do I do all day. I sit here and think of ways to make people feel bad.NICK: Oh, I thought you wrote for commercials.ROGER: I do, but, you can’t sell a product without first making people feel bad.NICK: Well why not?ROGER: [Sigh.] Because it’s a substitution game. You have to remind them that they’re missing something from their lives—everyone’s missing something, right?NICK: Well yeah I guess.ROGER: Trust me. And when they’re feeling sufficiently incomplete, you convince them that your product is the only thing that can fill the void so, instead of taking steps to deal with their lives, instead of working to root out the real reason for their misery, they run out and buy a stupid-looking pair of cargo pants.NICK: Um, so uh, um is it fun?ROGER: Can be.
Roger Dodger (2002)